Recovery Devotional 315 Passion for a Friend

JMD Devotional 315 2 Samuel 1:25-27 Passion for a Friend

How have the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan lies slain upon your high places.

I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me. Your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. How have the mighty fallen, and the weapons of war perished!

King David was not ‘gay’, (as our culture likes to call it), he was God-fearing, a devout Jew, heterosexual. He was confident enough in his masculinity to express his passionate love for Saul’s son Jonathan. They loved each other in a way that the Bible honors. The Bible makes no apologies for the many times it condemns sexual activity between ‘friends’. The strongest word in the scriptures is used for that: “abomination!” But this love has nothing in common with what the world calls ‘love’ (lust, infatuation, sex, perversion). The Holy love of one brother to another, or one sister to another is to be highly praised and treasured! Rightly expressed love requires a solid foundation.

Storge: The Love of Parents (Family affection, touch, eye-contact, soothing voices, hugs. What you long for when you are homesick. This is what we should receive from our parents through out conception to adulthood. A sense of being valued, important, of belonging.)

Philia: The Love of Friends (Friendship, commaradery, acceptance by peers, a sense of belonging within a group of people that you are often with. School mates, chums, associates, co-workers.)

Eros: The Love of Pleasure (Romantic love, the love of the beautiful. {When broken, the desire to control and own; to possess the beautiful object.})

Agape: The Love of God (God's love. God does think I'm beautiful {I am His workmanship, after all.} God does desire to possess me.{He made me, all creation was and is His very own. But humanity is 'lost sheep.'})

We are supposed to experience all four of these in their fullness; and in the order that they are listed.

The key truth here is, if in our development we lacked one of these, particularly Storge (family love) we tend to overcompensate striving to fill that void with other love that was not intended to meet that need. We end up totally out of balance. I know that I lacked the family affection I needed; so I attempted to get more out of my (Philia) friendships than they could give--simple friendships broke under sexual pressures. This escalated to a pursuit of (Eros) just sexual gratification to fill both voids--a lack of friends and a lack of the sense of value and belonging I missed growing up. I had trouble believing in (Agape) God's love because I was so wounded and needy from my experiences with family and friends and sexual partners. Reparative therapy is a form of counseling that attempts to bring wholeness by repairing and replacing what was missing from our formative years.

“Sex is like the Kudzu Vine. Out of its proper place, it will grow and fill and choke out our whole garden.

As a parent, this is a striking point:

>If you touch your children right, they'll know when touch is not right.

>If you don't touch them, then any touch will do.

“If the culture makes no room for impure sexual activity it also creates ample room for wholesome displays of friendship and love between men” (and between women) (Quote-Clayton McLean).

Dear God,

For so much of my life I have recklessly gone about as a lonely, rabid, hungry beast starving for love. My neediness resulted in so much shame; I was too much for most people. There are still tender spots from all of the bruises I incurred from being pushed away with ten-foot poles. I have experienced so much abandonment, isolation and loneliness that I could not even love myself. Many took advantage of me. Even my early church experiences amplified my sense of being unloved; the human institution is as dysfunctional as any family. I praise and thank You, God, for giving me a new family in the Church that transcends buildings and denominations and geographic congregations, the one true universal family of God that I see by faith. We may be scattered in time and space; but we are united in You. And I thank You for my special friend (besides the duck) that demonstrated unconditional love and passionate friendship to me. He rescued me from the pit of Hell as I wallowed in my own wretchedness. No one else believed in me; all had written me off as lost. No one else had time for me. Lord Jesus, I see You clearly in my best friend, Bruce. I am so blessed. I am so loved.

Amen

All (but*) quotes are from The Amplified Bible, published by

the Lockman Foundation. (AMP)

Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation

*New International Version (NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

**Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. (Eugene Peterson's easy-to-read, contemporary Scripture translation)

I originally produced these blogs between 2006 and 2007, which were then published in my book, JMD Recovery Devotionals. In 2010, I am sending these out to a few people as I review them and see if my point of view has changed.

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